Heart to Heart: Mother's Day 2016

Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas out the there! I hope you all had a wonderful day with your loved ones.

My relationship with my mother is not the strongest or the most functional, but I do care about her and love her though it is hard for me to express it emotionally or physically. The way that is most comfortable for me is financially - getting things for her or paying for things.

I have my own baggage with her that I have not yet learned to release so it affects our relationship. I know I have to work on my issues and let go of the past in order for us to be as good as we used to be. 

I know it pains her that I do not let her get close. It hurts me too, but my inability to let go of family drama and personality differences is so strong, I sometimes feel like I have lost control.

It is hard for me. One day, I hope I can let go. I pray that things will get better. Life is short. This is not how it should be.

For all of you who have great relationships with your mothers, you're lucky and I wish I were in your shoes.

For all of you who are like me and have poor relationships with your mothers, it's never too late.

Let's make a promise to ourselves [for our mothers] to make it work. 

We only have one mother. Let's love her the queen she is.


Xoxoxox

Thursday Giggles

I saw this online yesterday and it totally made me chuckle.

I've been having an off week, feeling in a funk and not completely like myself.

This post reminded me of the cheer squad I have behind me of family, friends and my boyfriend having my back and being understanding of my current funky mood swings and are ready to bust out boxes of pizza at my request.

Tomorrow is a new day :)

Here's to family, friends and hope for a better tomororw.

Xoxoxo

30th Birthday Diaries: Feeling Older Shoe Haul

Hello there!

It is my birthday month and this month, I am turning the big dirty 30, flirty 30, thirsty 30 - whatever you would like to call it.

As it comes, I embrace it...but I think subconsciously I am freaking out.

1. Going [dirty] blonde
Why?? I think it is just a phase because this thought only came in early April and it's starting to exit my brain. A good friend of mine told me that when she turned 30 a few years ago, she dyed her red in a "30 life crisis" moment. I think I am starting to understand. Haha.

This is what I'm thinking:

But this is what I don't want - having half natural color and half salon color as it grows out. I am not high maintenance when it comes to my hair. I've only dyed the bottom layers of my hair so that when roots grow out, no one can see. I'm too lazy and can't afford constant touch ups and special maintaining shampoos. And then I wonder, do I have to lighten my eyebrows?! So much work. Decisions, decisions.

2. My first white hair
My friend pointed it out on 4/24/16. At that moment, it did not phase me. She told me I should cut it off because it's really noticeable as I have a white hair very distinguishable from my jet black hair. I was fine with it. Hours later at home, I freaked out and went to the bathroom and cut that sucker off. Dang. It's happening.

3. Old lady feet
When I was younger, my mom would tell me that as you get older, your feet do not like flat shoes anymore. Shoes have to be soft with a meaty sole for support. I thought she was just making silly talk, but dang! She was right. In the past year, my feet has not been liking those ballet flats. Oh no, oh no. Especially since I work in a hospital, I am on my feet for a long time, walking around or standing, sometimes 3 - 4 hours at a time. And oh my word, my feet hate me after all that. 
I decided to bite the bullet and go on a mini spree to buy shoes that would provide comfort. I call them, and please don't take offense, "old lady shoes." Shoes with a chunky sole. 
Here's what I purchase:

Modellista Miranda Ballet Flats

Andrew Geller Wilmot Wedge Pumps

a.n.a. Sicily Ballet Flats

I purchased them all from JC Penny and all were on sale. I've worn all three and the first two are so comfortable!! It's like walking on pillows!! Why did I wait so long to choose comfort instead of enduring pain?

The nude pair is comfortable at the heel. The picture does not capture the true cushion at the heel, but there is a nice little pillow. The toe area is a little more flat.

My purchases look boring as they are just simple black and nude, but honestly, black and nude go with everything.

My current flats are trendy, colorful with shimmery stones at the toes. They are cute, but not always practical and sometimes difficult to match.

Here's to being a grown up with foot pain, white hair, and to professionalism and no twinkle toes.

Cheers to my upcoming 30!

xoxoxox

A - Z: 26 Things About Me Tag

Hello everyone!

My friend had posted this "26 Things About Me" on Facebook. I love these little personal fun fact bits because they are so interested to read and do myself.

Let's get to it!

Twenty six thing about me...
A - Age: 29 going on 30 (in less than a month! AH!)
B - Biggest Fear: Dying alone and unhappy
C - Current time: 12:50pm
D - Drink you last had: McDonalds iced coffee, vanilla flavor
E - Every day starts with: an eye rub and a "Damn. Morning already?"
F - Favorite song: Probably "Too Close" by Next. Lol. It just reminds me of my childhood when I didn't know what the words actually meant. 
G - Ghosts, are they real: I hope not!!
H - Hometown: Los Angeles
I - In love with: Ben
J - Jealous of: Not sure if I would call this jealousy, but it annoys me when I see people "living the life" off of welfare and not working, though they have the potential to. I'm a social worker. I see this happen more often than not
K - Killed someone?: I could never unless I was being brutally attacked or something
L - Last time your cried?: Today when I saw this YouTube Video "My Dad is a Liar"
M - Middle name: Diaz
N - Number of siblings: 2
O - One wish: Idealistically, we can all be happy and get along. Realistically, as my parents grow older, I wish they continue to be strong, healthy, happy and not have a hard time
P - Person you last called: An intake worker at a psych hospital. Lol. I was at work, people!
Q - Question you're always asked: "When are you getting married?"
R - Reason to smile: I am alive and as healthy as as I can be
S - Song last sang: Probably Post Malone's "White Iverson". It' catchy!
T - Time you woke up: 9:30ish am
U - Underwear color: Black with pink branded writing
V - Vacation destination: I'm an island girl, but I also want to go to Ireland
W - Worst habit: Overanalyzing, overstressing, overworrying 
X - X-rays you've had: Teeth and foot
Y - Your favorite food: Sushi!
Z - Zodiac sign: Proudly Gemini

Hope you had fun learning a little more about me.

If you do this tag yourself, please let me know! I would love to read it.


Xoxoxo

RIP: Shine Bright, Star light

Last Monday 4/25/16, I received heart wrenching, stomach-turning, I-almost-fainted news.

One of my sorority sisters had taken her life the night before.

My heart sank.

My first thoughts, "What. Oh my gosh. Oh Jamie. Oh no, Jamie."

I asked my friend if there was anything that she knew of that Jamie was going through. She told me Jamie was struggling with bipolar disorder.

A flood of memories just kept going through my heart, through my head, through my soul.

Sadness - a beautiful soul gone from this world.

Anger - how could you do this to yourself? Be so selfish.

Anger - at the system. The mental health system continues to fail the people we love

Empathy - I shouldn't be angry. Jamie was clearly going through an inner turmoil that no one can ever truly understand. This was her peace.

Sadness - that this happened. That I wasn't there to know or even help her.

She was a beautiful soul. We were close in college but soon after graduation, she moved to Kansas and then different places throughout the Midwest. We all moved on with our lives, but stayed in contact. She came every 1 - 2 years since she moved away and every time she came back, it was as though nothing has changed.

She smiled a lot. She laughed a lot. She was supportive. She challenged you. She was a burst of energy. She brought out the best in you because she always saw the best in you. She was my dance partner, my thiz face, hyphy sistahhh.

I loved her voice. It was unique, but it was Jamie and it was beautiful. She was beautiful. She was gigantically tall and worked it. She had the fairest complexion that she shone so bright. She was proudly "ghetto" and often said, "I'm the most ghetto white girl you've ever met."

Her life growing up was not easy. She is the true epitome of working hard. She went from living in a trailer to UCLA graduate to pre-med student. She worked her ass off, always working multiple jobs to support herself, did so ever since she was a young teenager.

No one had anything bad to say about her. Nothing.

Rest in paradise my beautiful friend.

I am too lucky and so grateful to have met you.

You forever hold a dear place in my heart and in my memories.

Shine bright, star light

I know you're watching over us

xoxoxox 

"I will never understand that out of all the people in this world, you thought you had to be the one to go"

Mini Sephora VIB Sale

Happy Wednesday everyone!

We are at the middle of the week, half way to the weekend! YAAAASSS!!!!

I'm sure you have been seeing Sephora VIB hauls lately as Sephora had their VIB sale about two weeks ago. VIB-ers get 15% all purchases. Sephora does not typically have sales so people definitely go buck wild and take advantage.Who wouldn't?!

I'm kind of broke and trying to not hoard much makeup like I used to so I did not buy much.

This haul might actually be pretty boring, LOL. But a haul is a haul and I love sharing :)

Sorry for the poor, unblog like picture quality. I still haven't quite figured out how to take beautiful pictures of products. Bear with me!

Tada!!! LOL. Only four products (one not pictured) that I purchased

Benefit Hoola Zero Tanlines

I can't wait to try this. Quick backstory: I tan easily, but because I have Lupus, I can no longer be in the sun for too long. Thus, I am pasty and ghostly! I used to use tanners, but got over it because it was really smelly and took forever to dry. I will definitely post an update on this product!

Please see my review on the Lorac Island TANtalizer if you're interested on my thoughts on that.

Chloe by Chloe Eau De Parfum

I am happy to add this beauty to my collection. This is my second perfume ever! My first perfume ever was Burberry Brit Sheer. I felt like such a grown up! How beautiful is this packaging though??

(If you're curious, the fourth product I purchased was for my mom. It was also perfume: Prada Candy Kiss)

Clinique Scrub Cream + Moisturizer in travel size. 

I bought this for my upcoming trip to Las Vegas to see JLo :D I never bring proper face wash - only face wipes - so I figured this would be a great, practical buy. It was only $10 pre-15% discount.

First Aid Beauty Flawlessy Fab Skin 

This was a points perk. I have heard such great things and decided to give it a try. I also included the many samples I received. I am most excited to try the dr. brandt oxygen facial mask as well as the Caviar CC leave-in perfecter. 

That's it for my mini Sephora VIB sale haul. I hope you enjoyed :)

Xoxoxox

Pop Quiz: Which One Is It?

Why hello there!

Are you ready to put your thinking caps on?! Today, I have a pop quiz in store for you!

But first, here's a little background...

On March 31st, I took part one of my state licensure exam for my clinical social work license. And I passed! Woot woot!

As a reward to myself, I got my nails done after my exam. I even splurged and got a design. And oh my dang, did that design bump up the price hella much!!

Two weeks later, two of my gel nails lifted and I removed them. I wasn't quite ready to give up all my nails, especially since this was my first time getting a design. And I paid good money for that!

I decided to experiment and try to "repair" the missing nails myself by mixing a few of my colors. I made two batches. The first batch was a near exact dupe, but of course, clumsy me dropped it on the floor making a mess. Whomp.

Can you guess which two are the "repaired" nails?!

Here are some up close shots that will help may it more obvious.

Hope you enjoyed this little silly post :)

Xoxox