One of my sorority sisters had taken her life the night before.
My heart sank.
My first thoughts, "What. Oh my gosh. Oh Jamie. Oh no, Jamie."
I asked my friend if there was anything that she knew of that Jamie was going through. She told me Jamie was struggling with bipolar disorder.
A flood of memories just kept going through my heart, through my head, through my soul.
Sadness - a beautiful soul gone from this world.
Anger - how could you do this to yourself? Be so selfish.
Anger - at the system. The mental health system continues to fail the people we love
Empathy - I shouldn't be angry. Jamie was clearly going through an inner turmoil that no one can ever truly understand. This was her peace.
Sadness - that this happened. That I wasn't there to know or even help her.
She was a beautiful soul. We were close in college but soon after graduation, she moved to Kansas and then different places throughout the Midwest. We all moved on with our lives, but stayed in contact. She came every 1 - 2 years since she moved away and every time she came back, it was as though nothing has changed.
She smiled a lot. She laughed a lot. She was supportive. She challenged you. She was a burst of energy. She brought out the best in you because she always saw the best in you. She was my dance partner, my thiz face, hyphy sistahhh.
I loved her voice. It was unique, but it was Jamie and it was beautiful. She was beautiful. She was gigantically tall and worked it. She had the fairest complexion that she shone so bright. She was proudly "ghetto" and often said, "I'm the most ghetto white girl you've ever met."
Her life growing up was not easy. She is the true epitome of working hard. She went from living in a trailer to UCLA graduate to pre-med student. She worked her ass off, always working multiple jobs to support herself, did so ever since she was a young teenager.
No one had anything bad to say about her. Nothing.
Rest in paradise my beautiful friend.
I am too lucky and so grateful to have met you.
You forever hold a dear place in my heart and in my memories.
Shine bright, star light
I know you're watching over us
"I will never understand that out of all the people in this world, you thought you had to be the one to go"