Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Taking Back My Body: Weight Gain

Weight is such a touchy subject. It is definitely a sensitive topic and can easily offend or annoy others.

I am currently at my heaviest weight. I am 5'2.5" and I currently weigh 117 pounds. That is in normal range, but what brings me down is that I have gained 12 pounds in the last 3.5 years. In hindsight, that is not too bad. I have heard (but not verified) that as we get older, our metabolism slows down and that for women, it is much easier to gain weight than to lose weight. 

If you do the math, it looks like I gained 4 pounds each year in the last 3.5 years. Yeah, I guess that's not so bad, but as a female, it freaks me out.

I hate that my pants are tighter and my face rounder. It makes me feel insecure. 

I don't have big boobs ("Itty Bitty Titty Committee" where you at?! LOL). It's really crazy and disheartening to look at myself in the mirror and see that my belly is way bigger than my boobs. Sad and funny at the same, but dang, really sad. 

I absolutely hate shopping for clothes. It's not that fun for me. I'd rather get my hair and nails done. The majority of the pants that I have are from at least 4 years ago. My work slacks are from college. I graduated college in 2008. And these pants were always 1-2 sizes too big because I HATED shopping that much, I would try it and if it wasn't way too big or small, I just bought it. All my pants were too big and held up with a belt. Now, I don't need a belt. And now, it's quite tight.

It really annoys me when I tell friends that I've gained weight and that it bothers me and they respond with, "oh but you could use a few pounds." That's besides the point. The point is that I do not feel good about myself right now. 

I also hate when I am not validated. "Oh you're so small. Stop it."

Petite girls can feel insecure about their weight too!

Some of the things that I know that caused me gain weight:
1. This sounds awful but 3 of the last 3.5 years, I formed a strong relationship friendship with a colleague who was really heavy set. When you spend so much time with someone else, you adopt their habits. She encouraged me to eat anything for any occasion because I "deserved" it. Soon enough, I "deserved" cake in addition to my burger just because I "deserved" it with no real reason to "deserve" it
2. Stress eating when I entered my current job a year ago. A job I do not love and ended up eating my misery
3. There were times when I felt "addicted" to food. No matter how full I was or even if I wasn't hungry, I just wanted to eat. The taste of food or the mere action of chewing and swallowing was comforting
4. I stopped being active which did not help since I work 6 days a week mostly glued to a desk

My weight has been bothering me for some time and I decided to take action.

I've said this in a previous post. I am a big believer that people should not complain if there is no action taken. 

You get what you settle for and I did not want to continue feeling like a blob anymore. 

A few months ago, I joined my local YMCA. It is really expensive at $47/mo. I take the Zumba classes and use the equipment. Because membership is so expensive, I have to really maximize my use of it. Can't let my hard earned money go down the drain!

Of course, health trumps the number on the scale.

But let's be real. The number on the scale affects our self-esteem. 

My weight goal is 110 pounds. 

I'll keep you posted on how I do.

But please note, I will be doing this the healthy way with controlling my diet and exercise. I am not restricting calories but just being smarter in what I eat - instead of eating fried fish, get the broiled or baked fish. 

The little things make a big difference. 

Sorry if my post was all over the place! 

I literally just spilled my thoughts onto the keyboard and went with it. 

Please stay healthy. Be healthy. 


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