Taking My Body Back: Strength Over Numbers

Hello everyone!

Happy belated MLK Day! <3

I am writing this post on MLK day though I doubt this will be posted the same day. [The next best thing - this is getting posted on Women's March Day where women all over the US are marching for equal rights, ownership of our own bodies, etc]

I have been itching to write this post for a while but life gets in the way. I figured I would get to it today - on a day that honors a man who fought for love, light, and equal rights. 

I wanted to share a post on self-love and the new light shone into my life. No better day than today to share my update. And WARNING: This will be a long storybook post. 

Back in September, I started a post series called "Taking My Body Back" after gaining weight over the last few years. I was determined to lose weight to go back to my pre-Lupus body weight. That was my goal. I was very focused on the number and how the extra weight made me self-conscious. 

Since that post, I was not too good on following my goal of a great diet. I was exercising 3-5 days/week but was eating double after the gym, totally counteracting my gym efforts. I was also eating a lot more sweets than I should have and over-snacking at work out of boredom. 

In December of last year, I felt like I hit a "weight rock bottom" when I could not close my favorite pair of jeans. As I was progressively gaining weight, I was still able to suck in my tummy and close them. On the day of my friend's baby shower when I attempted to slip them on, no amount of sucking my gut in could get them to close. I was devastated. Reality hit me. I have definitely gained weight. My pants were getting tighter over the years and months, but now, they just would not close.

I gained 15 pounds in 3 years. Five pounds in 3 months. I was starting to get scared. I was losing control over my eating. And the more out of control I was, the more self-conscious I would become and the more I would eat out of stress and helplessness. I was spiraling in this hole of uncontrollable eating and unhealthy eating habits. 

Throughout all of this, I was still loving my gym life of Zumba. As much as I love my Zumba, it was taking a toll on my left knee making it painful to participate. What used to be the quickest, funnest hour of my day turned into a long, painful hour. 

I decided to switch up my Zumba days and do it every other day. I also wanted to take other classes at the gym such as strength and yoga/pilates. 

I wanted to be strong. I was becoming less focused on size and numbers and admiring bodies of strength. I wanted to be those women who were fit, those women who could do push ups and lift more than 20lbs.

My sad little deconditioned self could barely lift 10lbs. I can't do modified push-up to save my life. I was in bad shape. Part of it was me and part of it was the toll my Lupus took on my joints. I would say it was mostly me though.

Since late December, I have been working out 5-6 days/week doing Zumba and strength training. I may not quite be losing weight (yet), but I feel myself getting stronger. 

I can do ONE modified push-up now. LOL. That seems like a lame accomplishment but it is not to me. That is ONE more than I could have ever done before. 

In the last few weeks, I found the courage to take these classes. Before, I was too shy and scared to try something new (watch out for a future post on this). I am proud of myself for coming out of my comfort zone. I may not be able to lift as heavy weights as my fellow gym class attendees, but I am not in competition with anyone else. 

I am in it to win it for me. And winning means getting stronger, getting toned, getting fit and most importantly, getting healthy. In the last few weeks, I've been eating much healthier. My portions have even been better controlled. I am eating a regular size portion as opposed to my overindulging double. Once you take care of your body, the rest will follow.

I am not quite where I want to be yet, but I am taking my time. And as I take my time, I am falling more in love with fitness. It's crazy. I never thought I'd be a "gym rat" as my friends now call me. But I hold that title proud. There is nothing wrong in taking care of your body in a positive, healthy way. 

And I am happy to report, I tried on my jeans this past weekend...and they fit. My weight is the same, but it seems that my body is flowing in a better way than it used to. I still have my little baby belly but I feel like that will stay with me for a while. LOL. 

It's no longer about the number on the scale. To me, taking back my body means eating healthy, getting fit, feeling stronger and feeling the best I've ever felt in a long time.

So delicious, but so dang expensive!

Please remember that the most important thing that we can do for ourselves is to keep ourselves strong and healthy. If not for ourselves, for those that we care about - family, children, friends, loved ones.

<3<3<3

Monday Sayings: HealthIER Living

( from Thea.Livewell on IG )

As you may know from a previous post, I am on this trek to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. 

I know I've for sure gained some weight when my fiance noticed. LOL. 

He did not notice when my hair went from this dark to...

...this light

In early October, a few friends and I drove up to Ventura to visit and surprise a friend who was just rediagnosed with ovarian cancer (a major f*ck you to cancer!). Of  course, we took pictures. When my fiance saw them, he said, "Hey, did you gain some weight?"

That was totally a reality check for me. I knew I had been gaining weight, but once my boo notices, then dang, it has gotten out of hand. 

I started my journey of losing weight. I started watching what I ate, but often fell off the bandwagon. I take Zumba classes about 3 - 5 days week. The difficult part was controlling what I ate when I got home from Zumba. I would eat double what I usually ate. I always felt shitty about myself afterwards. 

I attended a case management conference in early October where Dr. Mark Hyman presented. He was an amazing speaker and I must shamelessly admit, my new doctor crush. LOL <3 Before I entered his workshop, I texted a friend something along the lines of "Here I go. Another boring workshop. Daydreaming time." I was proven wrong.

The lecture turned out to be phenomenal. He was inspiring, motivating and so freaking hilarious. There was never a dull moment. 

From Dr. Hyman's talk, I took on a greater lesson. It is not just about losing weight. It's about being healthy all around, about being mindful of what we put into our bodies and knowing where our food comes from. I don't just want to look "good" but I also want to feel good and be healthy. 

Dr. Hyman recommended a documentary he worked on called "Fed Up." I was really happy to find it on Netflix so definitely get on it if you can. 

The film was really inspiring. It showed me how much bad stuff I put into my body including processed foods, sugar, and fat. "Reduced fat" means nothing really. It barely makes a change. And to alter food, it has to be processed. So an already processed food has to be reprocessed to be made healthier? It just does not sound right. He also talked about solutions to living healthier lives. Just being more conscious of what we put into our body is key. 

One of the greatest takeaways is when he said, "Junk is still junk even if it is less junky."

I would be lying to myself if I were to say I am never going to eat processed foods again. Xxtra Hot Cheetos are my winter weakness but they are soooo bad for you. I eat a bag about 2x/mo. How about I just have them 1x/mo? I can deal with that. Eating less cookies, less chips, less things that were not naturally made to be such. 

There was a woman in the film who said something along the lines of  "If there is a food with an expiration date that exceeds my lifetime then I know it can't be good for me." 

AHHH I just went on a long excited rant about health. 

I am really looking forward to healthier lifestyle. Just like everyone says, it's not about deprivation but moderation. Also, getting active.

I am so happy my coworkers and I are on the same train. Six of us with Fitbits have started a challenge to get healthier and fitter!

I have the Fitbit Charge 2 which I named "Fitty Wap" after Fetty Wap. LOL. I know. I'm a goon. 

( credit : www.macys.com )

So far, I am really digging it. The app allows me to track my water as well. Since it is a competition, it has motivated me to actually drink more water. I have met my water goal once. I know that does not seem like a lot, but I am the worst water drinker. A cup of coffee in the morning and water to take my meds at night. Zumba definitely helps me drink water.

ANYWAYS! I babbled throughout this whole post only because I am so excited about my life to come. Healthy living. Healthy me. Win win.

( credit : I can't remember. Sorry. Facebook? )

Xoxoxo

Living with Chronic Illness: Sometimes I Get Tired

Just wanted to make a disclaimer that this is NOT a motivational Monday Saying.

Aloha,

I hope everyone has had a good weekend. For me, this was the first weekend in one year where I did nothing. And it was awesome. As of October 1st, I quit working in the emergency room 3:30pm - midnight for the last year taking only 3 days off. A schedule like this throws your whole sleep and energy schedule out of whack, especially when you do this 1x/week on top of a traditional 9-5. And this year, I had countless all-nighters studying for two board exams. This has been an exhausting year.

I feel like my body is still catching up on a year's worth of missed sleep. I still feel really tired and out of it all the time.

In the last few weeks, it's been difficult for me to take my medication. I've mentioned this several times in the past, but for all my new readers out there, I have an autoimmune disease called Lupus. It's a disease in which my immune system is attacking the good and bad cells of my body causing me to get sick. Fortunately, my Lupus has been controlled and mild-moderate since my diagnosis in 2010. For more on that history, you can read my My Lupus Story and interestingly how Lupus affected my hair here.

I don't know if it's just that I've been tired lately and catching up on sleep or if I'm just really getting tired of taking multiple vitamins and medication each night. For those who have to take multiple pills for whatever reason can probably relate.

There have been some nights where I am just too lazy to take them. It's a lot to take. On lazy nights, I usually can summon up the energy to at least take my actual Lupus medication. I know that's bad. And hypocritical as I work in the medical field preaching med compliance. Agh. I am only human. 

I was too lazy to arrange my pill bottles "blog-worthy" so here's a sneak peak into my life. I have only one prescribed medication which generically is called Plaquenil. The rest are over the counter but a must take as my Lupus has made me deficient in others areas. The aspirin is for prevention of blood clots. There are two bottles of the same thing as one is almost empty.

I summoned the energy to prepare my daily dose of the night. Just looking at it makes me want to gag. 

I know that may not be much to others who are really suffering out there. 

There are just days when I have bad days. And lately, I have been having bad days in which I hate having to swallow all these pills and the mere thought of having to do so sickens me. Looking at it sickens me. Having to open each bottle and taking one out sickens me. 

Ugh. I know I shouldn't complain. There are others far worse than I am.

I am blessed and as healthy as I could be given my circumstance.

Life is what it is, but you know what, sometimes living with a chronic illness can get tiring too.

Cheers as I am about to take my concoction to keep me going.

Xoxoxo

P.S. Sorry this was a depressing post but I am only human.

The Autumn Tag

Fall (or Autumn, whatever you prefer) is probably my favorite season! Boots, scarves, beanies, leggings, coats, warm seasonal drinks, pumpkin!, coziness, ahhhhh. Just listing those fall favorites put me in a sudden daydream of happiness.

When I saw +Maj Valencia 's post TAG: The Autumn Tag, I had a big smile on my face. Although the weather in Los Angeles hasn't quite jumped on the Fall train just yet, her post reminded me that FALL is HERE!

I love love love Fall and just had to do the tag myself. 

Here goes it:

1.  Ok we're talking coffees - what's your favorite seasonal drink from Starbucks or another coffee shop?
Usually the PSL (pumpkin spiced latte), but I get it "altered" because if you order a straight PSL, it's very sweet. I don't like sweet coffee too much. I'll get a grande latte with one pump pumpkin spice syrup. It's less sweet AND you get charged the price of a latte instead of a specialty drink (which is more expensive than a latte). Hey, hey coffee addict working the system!! ;) Sometimes, sometimes, baristas charge you for that one pump. BOO.

2.  Accessories - what do you opt for, scarf, boots, gloves?
All of the above! I have Raynaud's Phenomenon in addition to Lupus. Raynaud's is also an autoimmune condition in which I have irregular blood circulation. This means I get abnormally cold. So if you're cold, I'm freezing! And when I'm really cold, it feels like the cold is "eating" my body (sorry, TMI). It's awful. Anyways, if I had to choose one accessory, I would say boots. There is something about boots that make me feel confident, empowered and sexxxay! (Is it just me?! LOL)

Photo credit: Macy's catalog 2013

Franco Sarto Boots Cymbols

<3<3<3

A present for me last year! Can't wait to bust them out again :D

3. Music - what's your favorite music to listen to during Autumn?
Whatever's mainstream? :) LOL. Didn't know there was Autumn music! Hmmm..I would say "Rosie and Me" station on Pandora. I love every song that comes up. It's mellow and cozy just like Autumn.

4.  Perfume - what's your favorite scent for this time of year?
I wear Bath and Body's Sheer Freesia Body Spray all year long. I am looking to  "grow up" and venture off to perfume but I think perfume smells way too strong with one sniff. I'm still searching for the perfume that is just right! Suggestions for a sensitive nose?

5.  Candles - what scents will you be burning this season?
Anything PUMPKIN!

6. What do you love most about Autumn?
The return of the PUMPKIN. I love pumpkins. Too obvious? I love the coziness of Fall as well as fashion of Fall which is pretty cozy. And I made a full circle. 

7. Favorite make-up look?
This Fall, I'm been into the vampy look! I'm not quite rocking the dark dark lip just yet. Baby steps! I recently purchased NYX's matte lip cream in Copenhagen and Wet n Wild's Sugar Plum Fairy.  I think those two are a good start. I almost always wear winged liner and heavy mascara (if not at work) all year round. That's just my signature and go to look. My lip color is the only thing that really changes.

8. What are you looking forward to most in Autumn?
Besides the fashion and the seasonal treats, I am excited about coming together with friends and family for little pot lucks and get-togethers. Life gets busy for all of us, but somehow, in Fall, we find time to really sit down, chat, and enjoy some good food! And you guessed it...we also have pumpkin parties.

I tag all of YOU! And specifically +Chaunalea Tricia , +thriveonnovelty (although it's spring for you), and +Kreyola Journey 

<3<3<3

Review: Lorac Island TANtalizer

(Photo credit: hsn.com)

I'm of Filipino decent which typically means natural tanning comes easy for me. By natural tanning, I mean just doing my daily activities: walking outside, driving, errands. I do have a small percentage of Irish/German blood which runs so strong in my mom's side of the family. Because of this, my siblings' (along with my mother, of course) natural base skin is pretty pale and pasty (it's in my blood and I'm proud of it!).

Ever since I was diagnosed with Lupus nearly 4 years ago, I have been avoiding the sun when possible. In a nutshell, Lupus is an autoimmune disorder in which my body cannot distinguish between good cells and bad cells so it destroys both. When you kill the good cells of the body, it's only natural for the person to get all kinds of sick. Lupus patients are sensitive to the sun's rays so we must wear sunblock and stay out of the sun if possible. Some are more sensitive than others. I try not to test my limits...anyways, I went on an educational tangent there, but hey! Awareness is important. Read my Lupus story here.

Ever since 2010, I've been pretty fair especially in winter. Loved ones and friends would tease me and call me "Casper the Ghost." All loving tease of course, but still... My legs are quite blinding!

Over the past few years, I've been self-tanning for summer just so I don't look so ghostly amidst my fellow bronzed Angelenos. In the last year, I stopped caring about being fair and haven't tanned in 1.5 years.

Not too recently, I came across the LORAC Island TANtalizer Creamy Body Oil - Bronze Glow. This is NOT a self tanner. It's is a temporary (one time only) body bronzing makeup. I went to a makeup party (a friend of a friend had a woman who sold makeup come by) and found this LORAC product. It retails for about $30. It was on sale for $12 so I thought, why not? 

Mind you, I'm not new to tanning products so I know how to apply them. This LORAC product was awful!!

CONS: Very very very streaky! It was so orange and way shimmery!! I know it's more of a body makeup than a tanner, but still....I don't think anyone who wants a nice bronze color wants to walk around like a disco ball. 

PROS: Not your typical tanner smell. The scent was similar to cocoa butter which I'm not a fan of, but I could tolerate it.

I actually wish I bought this from Ulta or something so that I could actually return it and get a full refund. Awful awful awful.

Was it just me? I'm not sure.

Have any of you tried this product? What are your thoughts?

<3<3<3

Hustle Oh Hustle

(credit: somewhere online?)

This has been my work mantra/ethic lately. And it's part of the reason why I've disappeared for a little bit.

Work has been crazy busy this month! 

I, along with another coworker, was asked to spearhead a pilot program at a major Los Angeles hospital for the month of May. This program carried additional duties that needed to be fulfilled on top of my original duties. As you can imagine, it has been a stressful, exhausting, but so-worth-it month!

There are several factors that motivate me to work hard: 1) to be a better me both professionally and personally, 2) to make my team, my bosses, and my employer proud, 3) I love the work that I do and take utmost pride in it, and 4) I want to be known as someone who has made a positive impact in the community

So I hustle and hustle. Dreams don't come true just waiting by the phone. You have to get out there and work for it.

May has been and will continue to be a challenging month, physically and mentally, but it's all worth the chaos, exhaustion, and stress.

The benefits of this program will reach and impact many lives for the better. And that is what keeps me on the hustle.

<3<3<3

Three Year Purple Anniversary [Belated Post]

I am one nearly year behind in writing this post. Time just flies by! Sometimes I feel as though I cannot keep up with life. If you haven't read about my previous posts (Year One and Year Two) on my Purple Anniversaries, I'll give you a quick summary what a Purple Anniversary is:

I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (S.L.E.) or just simply Lupus for short. I was hospitalized from July 12 - 17 in 2010. Every year, I like to celebrate life in July as way of saying, "I conquered you, Lupus! I am alive and I am healthy as can be." It is merely a celebration of life. My case of Lupus is, thankfully, a mild one, but it can progress over the years without warning or cause. That's just what Lupus does. So whatever the case may be year after year, I would like to celebrate life and still being here.

Lupus patients are sensitive to the harmful sun's rays so we avoid the sun at its peak if possible. I love the ocean, I love the beach. I grew up going to the beach with my family. And I must admit, it makes me sad knowing I can't go to the beach midday and just stay there all day. 

Each year on my Purple Anniversary, which I usually hold in July if possible, I gather my friends together, make them all wear purple (Purple is one of the colors to commemorate Lupus), and enjoy some good food!

Since I cannot go to the beach the way I used to because of the sun, I do try to make it out to the beach during late afternoon just to be able to go to the beach. It's my way of saying, "Ha Lupus! You can't stop me from enjoying the beach."

For my three year Purple Anniversary, I had a bonfire with my closest friends who know that I have Lupus. We all wore purple. We cooked hot dogs over the fire pit, we had all kinds of beverages, and we made s'mores over the fire. 

It was a really great time. I was surrounded by an abundance of love, support, and positive energy. 

I am very grateful that I have the health that I have given the circumstances I am in. That is what my Purple Anniversaries are about.

<3<3<3