Old New Post: My Lupus Story

Happy Sunday!

I had mentioned in my first ever blog post that I wanted to use this blog as a space for free ideas and daily struggles. Well, the following entry is just one glimpse of my daily struggle.
I wanted to repost this entry that I had written for another blog I used to manage. I wrote it in either December 2011 or January 2012.  It somewhat explains my new found love for beauty and makeup.
It's a real personal blog post. I hope you do enjoy it, but most importantly, I do hope it brings some awareness to what Lupus is. 

- -

I’m a 26 year old Filipina American living in Los Angeles. I was diagnosed with systemic Lupus a year and a half ago in July 2010. A few months prior to that, I would wake up with a sore back or sore arms or legs. At first, I thought it was the way I was sleeping. Then came the fevers, rash, paralyzing joint pain, and fatigue. I never imagined I would end up in the hospital. I never imagined I would be told I had lupus. 

The news kept me in shock. For weeks I was quiet. I didn’t cry. I didn’t complain. I didn’t feel. At the same time, I knew I was going to be okay. I think it helped that one of my high school friends was diagnosed with lupus about 13 years ago and she’s doing well with ups and downs, of course. One of my doctors in the hospital had a sister with lupus who was in med school. These real life stories served as motivation that I would be okay. 

The hardest part of my diagnosis was that it came one month before I would start my master’s program in social work. I was so scared that my health would get in the way of everything I had worked so hard for.  

Thanks to my amazing doctors, incredible familial and peer support, and my faith, my road to recovery was a lot easier than expected. I was able to go to school (with accommodations of course) and I am happy to say I am graduating this coming May with honors! :) 

There are, of course, challenging days that I experience and continue to experience. The physical changes (“moon face,” hair loss, constant fatigue) makes feeling normal difficult, but I try my best to get by and enjoy just being as healthy as can be. Having lupus definitely taught me that quality of life is essential to well-being. This means taking care of myself, but also enjoying myself.  

I believe that participating in this blog will serve as outlet to vent about the lows of lupus but to also recognize the highs and blessings of life, regardless of having lupus.  

It took me a year to talk about my story without tearing. A year and a half later, I feel that it is important to discuss it. It can be hard to talk about, but lupus is now a part of my life that I can’t really ignore. Hopefully my stories will allow readers to understand that there are others like you who have good days and bad days, that there are people who understand what it’s like living with lupus. 

<3<3<3

Nails Nails Nails: Gallery of Past Designs

I think 2011 was the year I became obsessed with doing my nails. I was becoming more and more obsessed with beauty blogs, YouTube tutorials, and Pinterest. Oh social media, the things you do to me!

I decided to just showcase my nails from seasons past. The great thing about blogs is that you have an online record/diary of everything you do and choose to post. As you can see, I rarely do monotone colored nails anymore. I need some type of design. Very rarely (usually when I don't have time) do I just do one full color sans design.

Here goes it!

*Disclaimer: Please don't mind the poor lighting and amateur clean up. I am only just a beginner :) And sorry for the sudden influx of photos :) All products that I can remember are mentioned.

I did these nails for the UCLA v. CAL football game last week (UCLA won!). Products used from left to right: Revlon Multi Care Base+Top Coat, Revlon in 020 Pure Pearl,  Forever 21 Marina, Elf Golden Goddess, and Wet n Wild 236C Silvivor

 I found the Loreal Limited Edition Diamond Collection nail stickers on clearance so I bought two: one black and one gold. I used the black one on top of Sinful Collections 857 Bianca. I used the gold stickers on a Wet n Wild nail polish. I used Butter London's Nail Foundation as the base coat. LOVE

These nails are inspired by a design that I came across on Pinterest. As you can tell, I modified it and added a Peter Pan collar on the the thumb nail

These nails were also inspired by a design that I found on Pinterest. I used Sinful Colors in 857 Bianca mixed with a white nail polish also by Sinful Colors

Sorry for the poor lighting. This is another Pinterest inspired manicure

And yet, another Pinterest inspired manicure. I wore this the week of Valentine's Day in 2012

Simple blue and gold diagonal

This was my go to look when I worked in a very [unstructured] structured facility. Nails had to be less flashy. Since I just couldn't do nails without flash, I did these more subtle decor

These nails are inspired by after seeing Google images of "baby shower." As the caption reads, the nails were done in honor of my baby nephew

I was obsessed with bows at one point

 I did these nails for my former co-intern's wedding 

Nails for the Olympics. Go Philippines! :D

The beginning of my nail bow obsession

Lupus Awareness themed nails

This is the only nail that came out decent! HAHA :D And this is the first of my nail art obsession

I know I added a lot of photos in there, but I do hope you enjoy. I make no claims to be fantastic at nail art. I simply enjoy doing my nails and playing around with different designs. I find it quite therapeutic.

Show me your nail art. I'd love to see it and be inspired!

<3<3<3

UCLA Game Day Makeup

Good morning!

It's a chilly Sunday morning in Los Angeles. Summer has definitely left the building, but it is supposed to warm up just a bit this week. A mini heat wave with chilly mornings.

Last night, I went to the UCLA vs. CAL football game. UCLA won with 37 points to CAL's 10! OH YEAAAH. UCLA is now on a 5 - 0 streak. Bruins of my generation (I was class of 2008) know that this is a moment to be relished and celebrated!

(Yes, I have a Hello Kitty browser)

Now for the actual reason I wanted to write this post (see how easily I get sidetracked? Tsk tsk). I LOVE LOVE LOVE watching YouTube videos, specifically those makeup tutorials. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting better at creating a smokey eye and other makeup looks. 

I don't wear eye shadow on the daily, but I do love occasions to do so such as sporting events! It's an opportunity to be festive and use makeup to support my team! Because the UCLA colors are blue and gold, I wanted to incorporate blue shadow into my look. 

I YouTube'd "daytime blue eyeshadow" and came across Annie Jaffrey's video Blue Liner Babydoll Makeup Tutorial.  She is so beautiful and explains the steps so well! I decided to give it a try. Check her out. She is totally awesome! Her YouTube channel is AnnieJaffrey. 

I attempted the look with a slight modification. Since I am going to a football game, I did a less a dramatic wing. I wanted to look festive, but not too dolled up.  So thank you, Annie Jaffrey, for the inspiration!

This is what I came up with. The top picture is all Annie Jaffrey. I did a screen shot of her tutorial video from YouTube. The bottom three is my recreation. 

I don't want to toot my own horn, but I would say I did a pretty good job! Obviously not as amazing as Annie's, but it's not bad :D I'm getting better at this makeup thing.

Stay tuned for future recreations and just to see how my makeup skills are progressing :D

On a final note, GO BRUINS!

<3<3<3

Living in the Past: TV Edition

It's about 10pm on a Friday afternoon and I'm home watching Full House. Yes, I know. My life is hip happenin'. ain't it?
While I was engrossed in the episode, I received a phone call from a friend who asked what I was doing. I said, "Watching Full House." My friend goes, "What?"  "Full House," I reiterated. "Are you really watching Full House?" my friend asked. "YESSSSSS" I confirmed. "Wow, you need to get a hobby." HA.

WHAT A HATERRR is all I have to say!

Is it just me or do the shows of this day and age not have the same zing as shows from the 90s?
Boy Meets World, Full House, Sister Sister, Smart Guy, Family Matters, Step by Step, California Dreams, Hang Time, City Guys, Saved by the Bell, A Different World....These shows of the 90s are the ones that get me. Girlfriends, which came in 2000 is also one of my most all-time faves. 

I know in this day and age, Breaking Bad has been the must-see TV show. There's been so much talk about it lately since its series finale was a week or so ago. I saw the first two episodes on a mock date (long story) and have never gone back to watch more. I must admit, it was good (I think. Sadly, I can't remember much). With the exception of Glee, Modern Family and junk TV such as Breaking Amish or Keeping Up with the Kardashians (I know), I just can't get into the shows of the present. I am stuck living in the past.

At the very least, the past keeps me entertained...

(Picture retrieved from IMDB)

<3<3<3

Growing up, Growing Old: Parent Edition

I came across the photo above a while ago. I take no credit for it. My classmate from grad school had posted it on the infamous Facebook. When I saw it, it resonated deeply with me. It's something we all know, but sometimes it doesn't always register completely with us. As we rush to get older and be our own person, live independently, and do our own thing, our parents get older and older, possibly sicker and frailer. We become so busy living our own lives, spending time with our own friends that we forget that our parents are still there, getting older.

I remember the first time I realized my parents, specifically my dad, was getting "old." One evening during dinner, I walked behind my dad at the dinner table. I saw a section at the center of the upper back of his head that was thinning out. My first thought was, "Dang, he's getting old." And yeah, yeah, this may not be considered a marker of "oldness" to some of you as some men (or women) have thinning hair at an early age. BUT my dad has (or had?) ridiculously thick hair. To be dramatic, this balding spot was an indication of his youth becoming evermore distant from the present. And I must admit, it made me sad, very sad. His thinning hair reminded me that with each strand falling, the older he was getting. With each strand falling, he was getting farther and farther away from man who I knew was able to do everything from opening jars, to fixing the roof, to being able to fix nearly every problem for me. It's difficult to think of him and see him in any other way.

Yesterday, I was having dinner with my parents. I typically sit across from my dad. Since my family is socially awkward with one another, dinner conversations are minimal to nonexistent. I looked up and saw my dad's mustache. There were white hairs. And again you may say that white hair does not necessarily correlate to old age, but hey! It does for most! Again, my little heart broke a little at the thought of my parents getting older and life getting possibly "harder" for them. As a social worker working with the 65+ year old population (since 2008), I see the good and the bad. In my line of work, I see a lot of bad. [That story, I shall leave for later. Stay tuned ;) ]

Lastly, the SADDEST of them all is this which I am about to share. It's normal, but it still breaks my heart. We were having dinner last week (HAHA, everything happens at dinner, doesn't it?). My mom had said, "We [mom and dad] went to the lawyer today. We put the three of you [my sister, my brother, and I] on the deed for the house. When we die, you have to take our death certificate to the [insert place of which I forgot] so that they can put the house under all three of your names." Do you know how much that broke my heart?! It still makes me sad just thinking of it. I know my parents will not be here forever, but the preparation for it all is heartbreaking. Don't get me wrong, preparation is the way to go, but it's still so depressing.  

I want to be able to grow older (just a little bit), but not have my parents grow older. Why can't that be possible?

So LOVE YOUR PARENTS. WE ARE SO BUSY GROWING UP, WE OFTEN FORGET THAT THEY ARE ALSO GETTING OLD.


<3<3<3